Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My ancestors

As described by Henry Miller in Tropic of Capricorn:

"Some cities you don't even have to pass a night in--just an hour or two is enough to unnerve you. I think of Bayonne that way. I came on it in the night with a few addresses that had been given to me. I had a brief case under my arm with a prospectus of the Encyclopedia Britannica. I was supposed to go under cover of dark and sell the bloody encyclopedia to some poor devils who wanted to improve themselves. If I had been dropped off at Helsingfors I couldn't have felt more ill at ease than walking the streets of Bayonne. It wasn't an American city to me. It wasn't a city at all, but a huge octopus wriggling in the dark. The first door I came to looked so forbidding I didn't even bother to knock; I went like that to several addresses before I could summon the courage to knock. The first face I took a look at frightened the shit out of me. I don't mean timidity or embarrassment--I mean fear. It was the face of a hod carrier, an ignorant mick who would as lief fell you with an ax as spit in your eye. I pretended I had the wrong name and hurried on to the next address. Each time the door opened I saw another monster. And then I came at last to a poor simp who really wanted to improve himself and that broke me down. I felt truly ashamed of myself, of my country, my race, my epoch. I had devil of a time persuading him not to buy the damned encyclopedia. He asked me innocently what then had brought me to his home--and without a minute's hesitation I told him an astounding lie, a lie which was later to prove a great truth. I told him I was only pretending to sell the encyclopedia in order to meet people and write about them. That interested him enormously, even more than the encyclopedia. He wanted to know what I would write about him, if I could say. It's taken me twenty years to answer that question, but here it is. If you would still like to know, John Doe of the City of Bayonne, this is it...I owe you a great deal because after that lie I told you I left your house and I tore up the prospectus furnished me by the Encyclopedia Britannica and I threw it in the gutter. I said to myself I will never again go to people under false pretenses even if it is to give them the Holy Bible. I will never again sell anything, even if I have to starve. I am going home now and I will sit down and really write about people. And if anybody knocks at my door to sell me something I will invite him in and say "why are you doing this?" And if he says it is because he has to make a living I will offer him what money I have and beg him once again to think what he is doing. I want to prevent as many men as possible from pretending that they have to do this or that because they must earn a living. It is not true. One can starve to death--it is much better. Every man who voluntarily starves to death jams another cog in the automatic process. I would rather see a man take a gun and kill his neighbor, in order to get the food he needs, than keep up the automatic process by pretending that he has to earn a living. That's what I want to say, Mr. John Doe."

6 Comments:

Blogger Gina said...

Wow. I'm starting that book today.

7:20 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

"The first face I took a look at frightened the shit out of me. I don't mean timidity or embarrassment--I mean fear."

I had the same experience as part of a Biker Santa's motorcade through Barnegat, NJ

Mutants. Now I feel bad.

8:39 AM  
Blogger Angelissima said...

you know, I thought Barnie-gat would have been overrun by Italians from Staten Island by now.

So, what your saying is its still not safe to go below Toms River.

9:28 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

I think it's safe unless you're pedaling your wares door to door, and even then, I think these kind of salesmen are spooked to begin with. You want strange, check out Farmingdale at sundown.woooooohhhhhhHH!

5:31 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

peddling?

Don't you owe it to your ancestors to prove Mr.Miller wrong, Mike? There have got to be clues...photographs...something.

7:27 PM  
Blogger Angelissima said...

All Hail Russell Cook!
Gina, its the F-Dale Boys.

7:08 PM  

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