Tuesday, July 31, 2007

This agression will not stand

Unlike some people I know, I'm not too obsessive when it comes to my laundry. Because I wear the same six pairs of pants every week, I need to get it done over the weekend. I prefer to get it done on Saturdays because my summer Sundays are spent playing softball in Brooklyn. This past weekend I let it slide, figuring I would get it done during what I call "the Bachelor's Slot." When I've had to do my laundry using the one washer and dryer in the basement of my building, I've never had any trouble using the machines late on a Sunday night. Most responsible people have already done what they need to in preparation for the week ahead. But a carefree bachelor, not beholden to the same schedules as the typical responsible family person, keeps his own schedules. So, I threw the first of my two loads (yes, I still separate) into the washing machine just before John from Cincinnati went on (I'm beyond help at this point), figuring it wouldn't be a problem to wait until the show was over before throwing it in the dryer and starting my second load. Imagine my surprise and irritation (not to mention the throbbing headache this week's episode of JFC gave me) when I discovered that someone had removed my wet clothes and left them on top of the dryer so that they could throw their load into the washer. Not cool. I'm sorry, but where I come from you don't touch another man's soggy drawers. That ain't right. That dog won't hunt (whatever that means). This aggression will not stand! Not only did this mean that I would have to miss some of this week's Entourage (yet another horrible episode!) while I waited for the invader's washing cycle to end (guess where his soggy drawers were going!), but that I would have to strategically time the drying cycle of my first load in order to enact Phase 2 of my retaliation. And there was where I had the upper hand! Since I knew exactly when I had threw my first load into the dryer, I would know exactly when it would stop and be ready to accept my second load, bypassing completely the invader's drenched duds still lingering on the top of the dryer. My plan went off without a hitch (except for one strange moment when I thought somehow one of my socks had gotten mixed up with the invader's soaked stuff--as it turns out, I was missing a sock, but the stray turned up in my apartment. Thank God. Could you imagine the ignominy of having to ask the invader if he had an extra sock? The horror!). I even had the satisfaction of meeting my defeated enemy on the battlefield as my second load was nearly dry. "I'll be done in five to ten minutes," I said triumphantly as he poked his head through the basement door. He bowed his head silently and trudged back up the basement steps in utter misery. I've never folded clothes in a more buoyant spirit!

24 Comments:

Blogger Brian said...

I'm impressed that you wear six pairs of pants per week.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Angelissima said...

I'm impressed that you do your own laundry.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

I'm impressed that you found that other sock. Gold Toe, no doubt? Not the tubes.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

PS. I was thinking it's a good thing you had gotten into that slot earlier as it would have been more annoying to find the washer in use.

I used to save up 20 loads, sheets towels, blankets, everything went the same day, and It would cost 30 bucks or more all said and done. I guess my wet clothes have been handled by so many strangers that it just doesn't matter to me anymore. I started feeling like they were like public property and stopped taking it personally. I remember a couple of times, the lady at the laundromat actually dried and folded them for me. Like family even.

You crack me up....bachelor slot.

1:12 PM  
Blogger BayonneMike said...

I'm off the Gold Toes, Gina. Kohl's doesn't carry them. In fact, the last time I bought socks it was more difficult than usual to find the plain black dress socks I favor. It was very disconcerting to say the least.

Your laundry habits will forever remain a mystery to me, Gina. How one person could produce that much volume in one week was mindboggling to me. I guess it helps that I only use one towel a week and don't clean the sheets until I see blood.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

Blood on the sheets. Good. That is nastier than my mite infestation series. Granted, a healthy build up of earwax keeps the mites out of your head. Saliva is unavoidable. Otherwise body fluid stains and odors are a good indicator of filth. Time for a linen change. Not that it matters what other people think but even if you change yer drawers daily, I learned you really need to change those sheets and pillowcases WEEKLY to avoid respiratory and dermatological issues. Blood on the sheets.

One towel. To me, having a closet full of soft fluffy towels and 250+ thread count sheets is a sign of Downy Fresh normalcy. Even if you are insane it looks hopeful. People check. They see your one towel in there Mike. They wonder if you have food.

My house had no closets and no laundry but plenty of towels. I only had food if someone was coming.

5:01 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

I am having a hard time believing that Gold Toe has done away with the Men's mid calf black knit line, and even a harder time believing that their best sellers are the Canterbury and Windsor Wool Over the calf styles. Now that's a mystery.

http://www.goldtoe.com/store/mens.html

5:24 PM  
Blogger Angelissima said...

I can understand the confirmed bachelor not changing his sheets weekly, that is if he's not entertaining overnight guests.

However, waiting for blood? Blood from where? Do you happen to suffer from sleep induced scab scratching? Does the blood show up within a month of the previous change?
I don't know, Mike. I'd suggest changing them monthly, blood or no blood.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

I think it's safe to assume that the man has not had any issues with nocturnal bleeding as of late, and is not expecting to be changing any sheets anytime soon.

i hope.

7:33 PM  
Blogger Angelissima said...

I aspire to a closet full of fluffy soft towels. One day, when I'm an old lady living in a beach shack I'll wrap my wet wrinkly skin and bones in luxury.

I'm worse than Mike with the towel arrangement. Bernie and I SHARE one towel. I have one set of 'good towels' for guests. The rest are a mish-mosh of rag-tag bargain bin irregulars. My daughters destroy them with hair dyes, mascara stains and pimple creams, so what's the point?

Although, I must confess I found 2 sets of fine-quality monogrammed hand towels on clearance the other day. Not being one to pass up a good deal, I picked up a B & A set. Posh, no?

5:36 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

You share a towel. I guess that's a married thing, when you lose the boundaries...I guess. I never did that as I was afforded/forced into the 'separate' bath, along with the separate accounts, separate closets...

Marshalls always has great deals on thick fluffy absorbant towels in all kinds of colors, and I go NUTS on the 330-400 count sheet sales. You can get a queen, Ang for about 30-35 bucks! Let's go, Wilma.

Sorry Mike. That guy was just wrong to take the 'batchelor slot'.

1:36 PM  
Blogger BayonneMike said...

Did I just lose control of my own blog?

I can't say for sure where the blood comes from. It's often just as big a surprise to me. Softball scabs and popped zits would be my best guess.

1:57 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

5:53 PM  
Blogger Angelissima said...

...Sorry Mike!

5:58 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

discussion board, no?

you get zits? I know you are attentive to hygeine and that one towel never touches the floor. Try changing the sheets up. I need to stop thinking about your sheets. Can you bring it back to the the aggressor?

I thought that rug in your living room really pulls the room together. nice.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Angelissima said...

Alright. Back to the Aggressor.

I'm not sure I'd have the chutzpah to remove a stranger's laundry from a public machine.

It just seems so intrusive.

7:14 AM  
Blogger Rambler said...

I thought Entourage was OK.n Turtle and Drama thing was funny although I know I've never run across anyone that hot off of Craig's List.

OK, back to the launderymat!

8:39 AM  
Blogger BayonneMike said...

No comment on laundry etiquette, Rambler?

10:31 AM  
Blogger Rambler said...

Well, I know the anger that comes with finding one's clothes on top of a machine touched by someone else.

Flip side is I know the frustration of coming to the laundry room and the washer is not running but someone has left their clothes in there. Not saying this is you because you were at home, but there are people here who will leave their clothes sitting in there for a LONG TIME and that's not fair either.

This is one of the reasons I go to the laundromat. I have access to one washer and one dryer here at rancho de rambler and it is in the building next door. Nothing more frustrating than hauling my laundry (and like Gina I seem to have a lot of it every week) down four flights, into the building next door and then into the basement only to see the machines in use. Easier for me to walk four blocks, do it in the laundromat and grab a slice or two.

6:46 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

Mike does it in the building next door too, Rambler, only he has access to an underground tunnel.

I think that rug on top of your rug really ties the room together.

8:33 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

PS I told my dad that it looked as if Gold Toe has phased out their mid calf black knit line and he said, " Marc Parez got me a pack when I had the swelling ankles from the surgery. They have them at Costco. I like the way they fit my club foot. Boxy at the toe." I thought that was funny, the way he said 'club foot'. club foot. The man's got flattest feet in the east. Not clubfoot but it was his timing.

So there you go. I have a card if you need one.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Brian said...

I love my Gold Toes and Silver Toe isn't bad either. I remember talking Gold Toes with my old publishing buddy BJ Clark and he proudly dropped a loafer and showed off his. It's one thing the common man can have in common with Bloomberg, wearing the best sock on earth. [No Mike, he wasn't baiting me with the shoeless foot.]

My building is a NORC [naturally recurring retirement community] and what you did was a violation of our etiquette, unless you were an old lady. The old ladies here can even stand in front of a dryer and say "I'm saving it" even if you're ahead of them [my wife reported this to me].

Gina, that's a nice thing your dad's friend did. With friends like that, you don't need many more friends.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

Yeah, my dad likes that one friend.

Jey...I called a dryer once. The laundry attendant set me straight right on the spot. "OH NO....there's no calling dryers. There's no leaving notes... and you had BETTER BE BACK BEFORE YOUR STUFF GETS LOCKED IN HERE FOR THE NIGHT!

kidding. They didn't care if I didn't. For 30 bucks it's all folded and bagged, all 15 loads

Gee Mike. Don't you think it's time for another post? I read this one over and can't get anything else out of it. ;)

10:30 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

I need a bouyant moment Mike. Please do your laundry again.

And feel better.

Chin up, froggy.

8:01 PM  

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