The Ass Checker and The Flagrant Farter

I've previously written about the weirdness that goes on in office bathrooms. I just had another brush with a guy I've come to know as The Ass Checker. While standing at the row of sinks in front of a large mirror, this guy repeatedly turns to check out his ass in the mirror. And it's not even a quick peek to make sure he didn't sit in something, it's a long, very serious observation of the shape and size of his ass. I've never seen a man do this before. It's very unnerving, especially when you're standing next to the guy pretending to wash your hands. Equally unnerving is the behavior of the head of our division who proceeds to have a farting fit while standing at the urinal. I've observed this behavior more than once. He sidles up to the urinal and forces out all of the gas in his bowels while he's relieving himself. As he's laying down these volleys of farts, it's clear that he could care less if anyone else is in the bathroom with him. Being discreet about it doesn't even cross his mind. Maybe he thinks it's some sort of executive privilege. As bad as this is, a co-worker, over drinks, told me that he had made eye contact with the flagrant farter one day standing in the middle of the bathroom with his leg lifted, like a dog, squeezing one out.