The Most Astonishing Thing

What you'll never understand about death until it happens to someone you love is how astonishing it is. By astonishing, I don't mean that is amazing or awe-inspiring (although, in some respects, it is certainly that). No, by astonishing I mean that you can't believe it's happening even as it's happening. Your mind seems to naturally recoil from the idea of death to the point that you have to constantly remind yourself that this horrible thing that just happened to you is true ("He's dead" or "She's dead" becomes a constant refrain in your thoughts). And there's nothing you have experienced before that will prepare you for it. And there's nothing anyone can say that will soothe the pain. It's truly one of those things in life that you have to come to terms with on your own. And some people never do. It's that astonishing.