Part four

On the first night of the cruise there was a "Singles Only" event in one of the bars on the ship. After surveying the crowd, I joked with my friend at dinner that we would be the only ones there. I wasn't that far off. Aside from us, there was some guy I had already crossed paths with at another bar before dinner. He was traveling alone. Wherever I go, it seems, I can't shake these lonely guys. I wonder if they feel the same about me? Probably. We're everywhere! His name was Bud or Mac or something--I've already forgotten. He was a smoker and had grubby smoker's hands. Right off the bat he let it be known that he was on his second consecutive cruise (he was about my age and claimed that he was "semi-retired"--I had no interest in pursuing this topic further, so I never found out how he made all his money). When he found out I worked in publishing, he also claimed that he read "a book a day" (he liked history and science fiction). It sounded like bullshit to me, but who am I to judge? Maybe he really was some grubby rich genius. And if he was deluding himself? So what. Where would we be without our illusions? It was only when he started calling us "Yankees" because we were from NJ (he was from FL) that he became annoying (what's with these Southern guys who never got over the Civil War? Is that some sort of regional mental disease?). Strangely, I never ran into Southern Man during the rest of the cruise (he was probably in his "stateroom" reading).

The only other "singles" present were a woman from Queens who turned out to be the sister of the ship's chaplain (sad to say, I never made it to any of his services) and some creepy married guy who was also traveling alone for some reason (and possibly looking for a little action on the side--man, was he shit out of luck!). When the piano man working hard to "entertain" us carefree singles began to irritate, my friend and I made a hasty retreat ("if a cruise ship piano man plays and there is no one there to hear him...").